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Changes Just Because

(Sat Dec 12 22:50:11 2009)

So, 4 months ago, I started doing Elizabeth George's Woman after God's own heart bible study series.

So, 4 months ago, I started doing Elizabeth George's Woman after God's own heart bible study series. I just knew that I wasn't the wife and mother I wanted to be. I started with proverbs 31 because I had always HATED that woman. she had it together and I didn't even want to hear about her staying up to all hours to spin fiber. whatever.
well, I've learned that when you really DON'T want to do something, it probably means you need to do it. so I did. I know think daily as to how I can emulate her & i'm working through the whole series. Daily bible study has made night & day changes in my life. I know what I need to study when I finish this series: prayer. maybe before the series is done. I don't know. But. I know my prayer life is pathetically lacking and that there is POWER there, if only I can learn to ope' wide the doors...
Next up, FLYlady. Sunny turned me on to FLYing(finally loving yourself) about 5yrs ago. but, I was a college student in married student housing. I could barely find my bed before dawn, never mind shine a sink! I subscribed to her yahoo group before I even knew how to use one (she was my first). I got the daily digest for months, but was so discouraged that I couldn't even remotely follow it (same sort of way I hated to love Dave Ramsey before we had an income...)and eventually unsubscribed.
in looking through my yahoo groups last week - I clicked on FLYlady - they've left yahoo for bigtent.com, but aside from being way better, nothing had changed - except me. the next day, I signed up again, and resolved to do it one baby step at a time. Today, I did dishes, dressed to the shoes, loved myself(exercised!), swished & swiped, rebooted laundry and made my sink shine! I even hit some hot spots! I LOVE THIS!
This brings me to the third change: I started PP(pressing play) again this week. I got out workouts that I bought last year but never used because of being pregnant. I know I can't low-carb while nursing and when I look in the mirror and see the waistline of a middle-aged frump, with a huge bulge and a waistline up to my bra line....uh, no. So, I figured since I can't really diet, and even diet won't change my shape - I can at least start working on my shape. So, I started trying out all those workouts! They are fun. Tiring, but fun. That's as it should be, I think. Two days on - one day off. I'm trying this new schedule because every other day wasn't something I ever kept up with . I would always "break" for the weekend, and then not start again. Also the reason I started on a Wednesday. I kept saying I'd start on Monday, but never did. So I started on the day I thought, "I should do this."
Now, with all these changes, I have some hesitation. They are mainly related to my husband. I started with a Proverbs 31 study, because I knew I could be a better wife and mother and that God had better things in store for me. I want to do FLYlady because it makes me feel great to have a clean home, but also because a tidy home = peace for a man. I want it to be his castle, and his place of refuge. I want it to be a place he WANTS to come home to: clean, warm, inviting, and relaxing. With working out: I want him to see an energetic, pretty, well-dressed, happy, fit woman. No matter that he will always find me beautiful for who I am - I want to make it easy for him. I want to be able to look at me and not have to squint his eyes, turn his head and picture the beauty within. I want the beauty without to reflect the beauty within.
So, while of course I have personal motivations driving all of these things, the husband is a huge part of it. Which brings me to my methodology. I don't want to do these things while he's around. If I do a bible study in front of him, I feel pressured and holier than thou. If I work out in front of him, I feel self-conscious and as though he expects me to look better (he doesn't, but that's self-image for you). If I spend all the time he's home cleaning, I feel like I never get to enjoy it with him. This is the glory of a housewife. I get to treat these things like it's a great big secret! That's a lot of my motivation to stick to it. I do them while he's at work and try my hardest NOT to mention it. (except for the cleaning, I love talking about all I get done!) Then, it's a surprise. :-D I get prettier, the house gets cleaner, and God changes my heart in baby steps each day.
One day, I hope, he'll just be sitting there and realize, "Huh, it's clean and calm. My wife is really pretty svelt, and she isn't a nagging thorn in my side." (Not saying all the opposite is true - but improvements are GOOD!) I want these changes to gradual, permanent and wonderful. Why? Short answer: just because. Long answer: I know these are all things that will bring me closer to who God wants me to be. My nature is to be lazy, whiny, and harried. But I want to defeat that nature and walk in the path He has for me!
So, if you notice any nice changes, let me know. But more importantly, pray that I stick with it and work with God.


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