OblivionEnigma's stuff
Blag RSS Feed Image RSS Feed
Last 5 blags by oblivionenigma:

What Have We Done???

Blag Tags...

Image Tags...
What Have We Done???

(Wed Jul 22 21:02:59 2009)

Disclaimer: This is written about an actual law that has been passed in Maine. So yes, there is a l

Disclaimer: This is written about an actual law that has been passed in Maine. So yes, there is a law that legalizes this practice here, and I think you'll completely agree with the conclusions I've made as a result. Oh yes, it's rated a mild PG for... um... misogyny and mentioning unsavory practices!

I admit that this is not breaking news. But it is so horrifying that I'm afraid I have no choice but to speak out.

It seems that in the latest Augusta (Maine) legislative meeting, they passed a law that legalizes the use of clotheslines for drying clothes outside. Now, proponents of this law have been shouting for its passage ever since the filthy Leftists came into power in Maine in the 1960's with all their free love and rock music and beads and Volkswagon vans painted with flowers all over them. To the untrained eye, this law seems like a good idea. After all, you may say, it's not hurting anyone. To each his own, right? WRONG

Sure, it all SOUNDS innocent enough. Now the poor housewives can get out the kitchen (where they belong) and dry their husband's clothes outside. This will lower electricity costs and save the precious ozark level or whatever that thing in the sky is everyone's so worried about.

Well, stop right there. There is no way a drying machine is going to punch a hole in the ozark. So that theory has been properly thwarted.

Next is the notion of legalized drying actually lowering laundry costs. It makes sense in theory. With drying clothes legalized, the women no longer have to sneak about on the streets, looking for a black market clothes dryer. They can dry their clothes right in their own backyards with proper government regulation. The crimes often associated with the shady figures of dark alleys offering to dry clothes will be nullified. Well, dear readers, it is not that simple.

With clotheslines becoming standard fare for every household, we will be seeing a great increase in women outside of the kitchen (where they belong) and no longer baking delicious apple pies for us men. They will be out in the open doing the laundry like some painted harlot. "Rape" and "violence toward women" will increase (because they brought it upon themselves) because they made themselves publicly viewable. It has been scientifically proven that, should a woman be out in public, she will be raped by a man.

Clothesline use in and of itself comes with great peril. It is a slippery slope I fear this nation has not only begun upon, but have dived into like some great water slide. Clotheslines and clothesline paraphernalia such as clothespins will be readily available to anyone, including children. Many children will enter in upon this dangerous activity and ultimately succumb to a lifetime of clothesline usage. One can only guess how many of these poor children will then shuffle off this mortal coil tragically in a fatal laundering accident. My guess is 30 billion.

Suicidal teens will have ready access to a means to end their life. We will have essentially given them a loaded gun and told them to do whatever they need to do.

Slapstick will no longer be amusing as many unwitting victims will actually discover the trauma of running headfirst into a taut clothesline wielding a fat woman's pink polka-dot bloomers. I should know. This has happened to me several times already since the law was passed.

Easily swayed individuals will become morally bankrupt as they gaze upon their next door neighbor's intimate things fluttering seductively in the breeze. They would imagine all the lascivious things that I would do to her over and over again in every room of her 3 bedroom 2 bath house. Especially the pantry.

If these horrifying scenarios are not enough, one must also keep in mind that the clothesline itself has been dubbed a "gateway laundering device" which will lead to more and more dangerous and damning practices. First it's clotheslines. Then it's public nudity while we wait for clothes to dry. World powers will clash in a war of clothes drying ideology. Then lo and behold, it's a nuclear winter; disease, pestilence, and the Swine Flu are rampant; and babies are sold for meat on the streets. And all because we let the Left hijack our governmental system with their "environmental" and "economical" "concerns" and derail our values with this subversive law.

So please, my fellow Upholder of Moral One-Upmanship, help me sever the cobra's head and slay this Leviathon before it can strike. Sign a petition and repeal this law, before our babies get hocked as meat.

This blag is tagged: All