Arman's stuff
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(Thu May 14 00:09:20 2009)

I found this when looking through my old files...

I found this when looking through my old files - I added it as a disclaimer to a coupon for a free meal that I gave my brother for Christmas. As I recall, it took a while to find all the different "disclaimers." Most of them are actually real, including the part beginning "Disclaimer does not cover misuse..."

Anyway, I hope you have half as much fun as I did reading it, or 2/3rds as much fun as I had writing it, whichever is greater based on three years of inflation (fun back-taxes not included).

Offer only redeemable from participating brother. Offer expires 12/29/2006. Do not taunt the Happy Fun Coupon. All purchases final. Passing Go and collecting $200 may or may not apply. See brother for details. Offer limited to recipient. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Not applicable outside of Kansas. Restaurant must be within 30 miles. Coupon will not self destruct. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Post office will not deliver without postage. As seen on TV. Do not write below this line. Beware of dog. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Keep away from fire or flames. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children under the age of 10. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. Restaurant package, not for resale. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. All rights reserved. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Terms are subject to change without notice. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause sudden death in 1% of population. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized use, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. Do not turn upside down. Do not submerge. Do not swallow. Don't tell me you're still reading this. Do not put in eyes. No animals were harmed during testing. For recreational use only. May cause excitability, especially in children. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Provided ???as is??? without warranty of any kind. You may not assign your rights under this Agreement to any third party. Pursuant to all federal regulations, past, present and future. Violations of Title 18 are subject to criminal prosecution in a federal court. Translations of any materials into languages other than English are intended solely as a convenience to the non-English-reading public. Andrew Metzger makes no, and expressly disclaims, any representations or warranties, express or implied, including, without limitation, any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Mimes need not apply. This is not the disclaimer you are looking for. Nature is unpredictable. You just don't quit do you. Reference herein to any specific commercial product, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by Andrew Metzger or any agent or agency thereof. Thank you for your interest in Andrew Metzger Enterprises (a subdivision of Evil Genius & Mad Scientist, Inc.).

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This blag is tagged: Copypaste, Funny, All